How to survive True Detective Season 2?

These times when TV shows are to be consumed like the last-day-before-expiry-juice in your fridge, it’s important to pace it out with shows that seemingly test your patience and tolerance. And being a conditioned lab rat with the surge of new shows either with A-listers popping in or with gratuitous nudity and brutal deaths, I’ve been hooked on to conversations revolving amongst social groups exchanging what next to watch.

HBO has been quite messianic considering the stream of content that it doles out keeping the viewer hooked on like a meth addict. And so conditioned to the point that every time the HBO TV-static logo goes out I start humming the Game of Thrones theme song in my head irrespective of the show I’m watching. And then with the bombardment of shows there was one which came out of the screen and rapped me on the cojones. That show was True Detective.

And when the first season started out with it’s bleak landscape and nihilism smattered across the backdrop of an unlikely duo, It was quite obvious this wasn’t a buddy cop show I expected it to be.

Not True Detective

And even though my patience for slow TV shows wasn’t much to brag about (I didn’t even go past episode 5 of Breaking Bad, fuck me right?), I still have sat through The Lone Ranger and Ben Hur without breaks. So I had experience under my belt. And when Matthew Mcconaughey went on a whole nihilistic rant in the first episode, It was a mic drop moment. They could’ve rolled the credits and told the audience “That’s it folks go home” and I still wouldn’t feel cheated to waste my precious torrent bandwidth minutes. And so as the show inched it’s way to the finale (which I wasn’t completely satisfied by) I was left with the “Ooooohh” feels that actually resonated with my peers who watched the show in sync when it came out.

How I gracefully aged by the end of the season

And hence after a long wait came the ever promising Season 2. And so with all the glorious excitement and high fives exchanges cause I’ve ran out of things to be excited about, came the time when I sat and finally witnessed the grittiness unfold again.

And so I watched the episode inching slowly as I saw the seek bar on my media player  taking eons to reach the finish line. I’ve seen moulds grow faster in my room than the episode. And even though the slower-than-your-great-grandpa pace was evident in the first episode I quickly attributed it to a build up to bigger things.

Only 48 mins and 32 seconds more to go

The multiple storylines kept popping up like annoying pimples and scattered across the plot making it hard to keep track of what’s what. Coupled with the constant mumbling through what seemed like important character exchanges but turn out to be more pointless than a One Direction song. Two episodes later it kept getting worse to the point that I needed a Buzzfeed article to educate me on what was actually happening. And the only moments you should resort to a Buzzfeed article to educate you on something is NEVER.

Spoiler: Vince Vaughn’s character segues into this movie

And three and a half episodes down I still have no idea why I’m watching the show. It’s like that cool uncle you met when you were a kid wasn’t cool anymore but you were still desperately trying to believe he still was. And blindly putting faith in something purely because the predecessors afterglow compelled you to put your rash undivided faith in it.

But the characters sketch out mish-mashing into each other without actually blending seamlessly. Colin Farrell trying hard to prove that moustaches are still in. Rachel McAdams playing a tough girl is like Disney trying to remake an Eli Roth film. Taylor Kitsch mostly conveying every emotion with a sum total of one pained expression. Meanwhile Vince Vaughn walking from point A to point B imitating a wax statue with the power of speech.

And hence after 4 episodes (didn’t even finish the 4th one) the only way of surviving this show would be by not watching it. Unless they have the Illuminati/Unicorns/Gandalf appearing somewhere on the show…that can be the only redemption.

As a way to romanticise through season 1, I leave you with this!

TL;DR

Don’t Watch the show unless you wanna see time stand still without a flux capacitor.

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